Being single doesn’t mean you have to be desperate. Oftentimes, the older we get and the more dating experience we gain, the more we start to learn more about ourselves and what we a relooking for in a potential partner. The more we know what we like and don’t like, the easier to is to eliminate someone that isn’t a good fit for us.
However, the longer your “deal breaker” list grows, the more you’ll probably hear that you’re being too picky. But is having standards being too picky? Why settle with someone that has something you don’t like about them? The Boyfriends Podcast takes a deep dive in what they think picky is and if being picky is even a real concern.
The More You Date, The More Red Flags You See
The first to hop in on the conversation are Renee and Jarrod. Both agree that the longer they date, the more “picky” they become. Jarrod wouldn’t say the he is necessarily picky, but he’s also still single. Renee completely related and mentioned that it’s much easier to pick up on small things that are very telling. However, since they are both single, it can come off as picky instead of what it really is––knowing what they like and what they don’t.
In the beginning stage of a new relationship, it can be easy to ignore the small things that bother you. Especially when you haven’t been dating for very long, those small things can be easily redeemable in someone’s eyes. However, as you gain more experience and date more people, those small red flags in the beginning become much more clear and you know when to cut it off.
Are You Actually Being Picky?
After Renee gave some examples of her red flags, Melvin hinted that she might be being too picky and to give someone more of a chance. Tony, on the other hand, agreed that when you see something that you don’t like, it’s okay to end things when you see the first red flag. As long as there is a deeper meaning behind the standard that you set for the person you’re dating and not something superficial or discriminatory, then you are more than justified to not want to date the person if they’re not meeting up to it.
As a demisexual, Sarun couldn’t relate too much to the other hosts because he think it’s hard to be picky. He goes more off of vibes and the connection that he makes. Someone who he spent years not being attracted to suddenly became his newest crush because he was able to get to know him more and build a connection that is he was attracted to.
Staying Open to New Possibilities
Melvin brought up the very good point that it’s important to not always have a very hard cut off and stop dating someone if they look a certain way or have view points that you might not necessarily agree with. If it is not going to harm you in any type of way, then give that person a shot.
The only way for you to know what you like and don’t like is to take a chance on someone. Sometimes giving someone a chance can show you something you never knew you wanted in a relationship or really valued in a person. Keeping everything at a surface level can keep you from making incredible connections with someone you never saw yourself with before. It’s okay to have your standard, but also allow yourself to be more open.To hear more about being too picky and defining your standards, be sure to listen to episode 7 of the Boyfriends Podcast.