This week, the Boyfriends Podcast discussed a tough topic: letting someone down easily. The thought of telling someone how you feel can be intimidating, especially if those feelings are leaning more towards negative and could potentially hurt their feelings. Because of this, many men, like one of our hosts Melvin (@melvin_foreman), tend to ghost the person in hope of avoiding the exchange altogether.
First Things First: Never Ghost
Ghosting, as Renee (@renee_vanessa) points out from personal experience, is never the answer. Whether you talk to them with upfront honesty or ghost them, it is still a rejection. However, ghosting leaves things open-ended while being honest about how you feel about them lets them know that things are really over between you two.
Is It Ever Okay to Ghost?
The instances where ghosting is acceptable, like Sarun (@sarun.nuras) brought up, is usually on dating apps. If the connection or conversation isn’t there, then it’s okay to unmatch and never answer them again. There hasn’t been too much of an initial connection established yet.
Outside of dating apps, it all comes down to circumstance and even safety at times. But 9/10 times the rejection must be given first before completely cutting off communication.
While being honest can be scary given that there could be crazy retaliation from the other person and it might not end on mutual terms, it’s important to at least make the effort. If they take it badly, essentially that’s on them and not you.
Don’t Keep the Door Open
Tony (@psychbul) brought up the excellent point that when it comes to rejection, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. When you let someone down, don’t expect them to treat you the same as they would when they thought you were into them. If you stop getting the invites to the parties, the late-night texts, or even if they move on to someone else rather quickly, it’s no longer any of your business. Making it your business opens up that door again and you’re going to be giving them mixed signals, which will put you right back where you started.
The hosts all have experience in giving and getting rejection, and they all came to the same conclusion: Be kind and honest with the rejection, but how they accept that rejection is going to be on them. It can be over text, phone, or in-person––whatever makes you the most comfortable with the situation, but the conversion needs to happen. Jarrod (@jarroddking) brought up a really good point that rejection is the risk that comes with dating and everyone should go in acknowledging this risk.
If you want to hear more about the hosts’ stories of rejection and more detailed advice on letting someone down, don’t forget to check out episode 2 of the podcast!