Why Does Nobody Talk To Anyone Outside of Their Clique?

On the first episode of the Boyfriends Podcast, the group discussed talking outside of your clique and meeting new people. As you get older, for some people, it can start to seem more and more difficult to make new friends. Everyone has their own established clique and it can be intimidating to approach them or even to break away from your own.

Whether this is while you’re out at the bar, club, work, or any other social setting, this episode takes a deep dive into why that is and what you can do about it. Here are the main takeaways:

Sticking With Your Circle

At the start of the episode, Melvin (Insta: @melvin_foreman) admitted that he can often be the person to not want to break away from his clique. It’s quite easy to get comfortable within our own group of friends, but this leads to not being open to new friendships. As Renee (Insta: @renee_vanessa) brought up, your close group of friends can be your security blanket.

Staying in the same clique or circle is what’s easiest and most comfortable and it can be hard to know if someone matches your vibe or energy.

The Beauty of Being Social and Vulnerable

Tony (Insta: @psychbul) is the complete opposite in situations and discusses the beauty of being vulnerable enough to work a room and meet new people. It’s beneficial to look at social settings as an opportunity to meet new people and keep yourself open.

This vulnerability does obviously come with the risk of possibly being shot down by a clique, but that’s okay! There is a chance that the people you look to talk to don’t want to talk back, but don’t let this discourage you from meeting another person.

They Don’t Have to Be Your Best Friend

When you’re out and looking to make new friends, don’t go in expecting them to be your friend for life. Sarun (Insta: @sarun.nuras), has a very specific definition of friendship. While he is a social guy, when it comes to groups, he doesn’t think of everyone as his friends. While forming fast bonds with people in fleeting moments on the dance floor or doing shots at the bar is likely, having that person be your friend for life is not.

A story Jarrod (Insta: @jarroddking) shared in this episode is a perfect example of this phenomenon. While out, he met a group of girls that he really vibed with. They had intriguing conversations, inside jokes, and were even planning a trip together. Cut to when they move on to the next bar, the girls are nowhere to be found and Jarrod never saw them again. Shocking? Yes. All that surprising? No.

True, you’ll never know who your lifetime friend will be at that moment, but it’s important to not go in thinking that it is going to happen every time you try to make a new friend in social settings. If it leads to more, then that’s. If not, shake it off and move on to the next one.

The Energy You Give is the Energy You Get

With all that being said, where did our thoughts finally fall on the topic of cliques and meeting new people? By the end of the podcast, we all came to the agreement that it’s important to be open and vulnerable enough to go talk to a new person or group of friends, but to set your expectations accordingly. Tony said it best, “When you project a certain amount of energy off, there’s going to be a certain amount of energy back to you.”

If you go up to someone and they aren’t matching your energy, move on and don’t take it personally.

Melvin posed the question, “Do we put it on the person trying to be a part of the clique or the clique for not being as welcoming?” As Renee answered, it’s a bit of yin and yang. You have to be open to meeting new people and open to accepting a new person in the clique. In both instances, give someone a chance, because you don’t know how well you’ll vibe or get along unless you try.

For a deeper dive and to hear more on the Boyfriends’ opinion on the subject, don’t forget to listen to the podcast!

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